Picking Up the Pieces
by Madcap Junior
Summary: A short fic I based on the song 'Picking Up the Pieces' by Paloma Faith. I just thought it was very fitting but I changed some of the lyrics to make them relevant. Basically Molly comforting John in the aftermath of Sherlock's disappearance.


Picking Up the Pieces

_Do you think of us,  
When he's with me  
Repeat the memories we made together who's faces do you see?_

This isn't this first time a reminiscent John has called me in the middle of the night seeking comfort. I understand why he does it, we bothe care about Sherlock and God knows we both miss him more than anything. The only difference is that John thinks he's genuinely dead. I, however, know the truth.

_Do you wish I was a bit more like her? Is she too loud?  
He plays the clown,  
To cover up all these doubts._

I sometimes wonder during these late night trips down memory lane if you ever think about HER. The Woman. Irene Adler. You genuinely cared for that woman. You mourned her loss when you thought she was dead. You miss her now she's gone. Poor John even confronted her because he didn't want her hurting you. Of course you don't know that bit, if you did it probably wouldn't make any difference, you'd just scold John for interfering in your business. Your feelings towards her were painfully clear. You must think about her a lot. Unlike me. No matter how much I wish you did I've accepted that you most likely never give me a second thought. But what about John? Do you think about him?

_Perfect heart, he's flawless,  
She's the other woman,  
Shining in her splendour,  
You were lost,_

I wish I was more like Irene a lot. I wish I had her confidence...her beauty. John told me about how the first time the two of you met she was totally naked. I sometimes wonder if I did something like that whether you'd even pay any attention. Knowing my luck you'd just make some horribly annalytically true comment that would crush my already low self esteem for a good few months.

_Now you're gone,  
And I'm picking up the pieces,  
I watch him cry,  
But you don't see that I'm the one by his side._

Often I just sit here, holding John while he cries. That's right. Cries. Over you. Sherlock Holmes. I wonder if this knowledge would make you feel guilty, because I know you care for him. A lot. And the two of you deny it all you want, but John's great, gasping sobs tell me that your relationship was anything but platonic. From what I can tell, the two of you saved each other. You saved him from his traumatic past, he saved you from yourself.

_Cause you're gone,  
In your shadow is it me you see?  
Cause all that's left is you and I,  
And I'm picking up the pieces  
_

There are times quite frequently when I wish more than anything that you took me with you. But then I remember John and I just know that if I weren't here he'd be lost. John needs someone. Someone to hold him when he cries, reassure him that he's ok and life will go on. He's told me about how you used to lie next to him and just hold him when he had bad dreams. It's almost uncharacteristically sweet but I can actually imagine the scene in my head. Sherlock Holmes and John Watson. A match made in heaven.

_I found a photograph behind the TV  
You look so happy, are you missing the way it used be?  
And he has changed this room around more often lately  
It's clear that me and these four walls  
Still know it's his and yours_

John's moved your flat around. It took him a while to bring himself to do it. Did you know that he's packed all of your things away? Of course you don't. If you did you'd be back here, furious about the fact that he actually touched your stuff. He's tried to hide all of the things that remind him of you, he still can't bring himself to throw any of it away, but I found the picture of the two of you at Christmas, behind the tv where John presumably hid it. You're actually smiling for once, in that Christmas jumper Mrs Hudson made you wear. I can't help but smile myself at this picture, even though I wish more than anything it was you and I smiling together in the picture.

_Perfect heart, he's flawless  
She's the other woman,  
Shining in her splendour,  
You were lost_

As I'm sat here day after day, night after night comforting John, I can't help but feel that he doesn't deserve any of this and that you're being totally unfair. But I also understand why you did it. You care about his safety more than anything else. Including me. You roped me into your plan, actively proving that my life is not of equal importance to John's safety in your eyes. That hurt Sherlock. I always thought you at least valued me as a human being and cared about my safety too, but apparently not.

_Now you're gone,  
And I'm picking up the pieces  
I watch him cry  
But you don't see  
That I'm the one by his side,_

It's been nearly 6 months now since you put your plan into action and there's been very little change on John's part, improvement or otherwise. I shouldn't be the one comforting him, it should be you. Heck, you're better at it than me, you know exactly how to hold him in such a way that he feels safe, you know what to say to make the tears flow. Even you just being here would prevent all of this upset. But you're gone. And I'm all he's got.

_Cause you're gone,  
In your shadow is it me you see?  
Cause all that's left is you and I  
And I'm picking up the pieces  
You left behind_

Do you ever wish I was there with you? We always got on well didn't we? Depsite my embarrassingly obvious infatuation with you. In reality I know that you probably never needed me for anything more than an autopsy, but at least you needed me. Now you're and the only person I'm of use to is John.

_We are liars in denial.  
Are we smoke without the fire?  
Tell me please, is this worth it  
I deserve it_

I feel horrible about lying to John. Knowing that I could ease all of his pain in an instant if I just told him you were alive and well. But I can't and so the pain continues. Occasionally I reflect on the time we spent together and I almost feel like there may have been a chance for us somehow. Just because you always cared about who I dated, not wanting me to get hurt, always making sure I didn't do stupid things. I'm almost to honoured to be able to say that Sherlock Holmes cared about me. Even if it was only a miniscule amount.

_Cause you're gone  
And I'm picking up the pieces  
I watch him cry  
But you don't see that I'm the one by his side  
Cause you're gone,  
In your shadow is it me you see?  
Cause all that's left is you and I  
And I'm picking up the pieces  
You left behind_

I'll remain here for as long as I'm needed. For as long as John wants me to stay. Forever hoping that you will one day return. In the meantime, I'm just picking up the pieces.

You left behind.


End file.
